4 Rules for Having More Success With Online Dating

There’s no stigma behind online dating anymore.

If you want to meet more women, then you should definitely be using it.

Now, if you’re already using online dating sites and apps like Tinder, OkCupid, etc. for a few hours a week, you should be setting up at least a few dates.

If you’re NOT, then you’re currently doing SOMETHING terribly wrong.

The truth is, a lot of guys just flat out suck with online dating.

They send cheesy messages, have mediocre pictures, and VERY weird profiles.

But if you’re currently NOT getting a few dates a week and sleeping with sexy girls from online dating, don’t yet beat yourself up.

Here are 4 rules for having MORE success…

1. Revamp Your Profile

Your online dating profile is NOT a résumé.

It’s also NOT the place to list all of your qualifications as a man who women should date.

Women are NOT attracted by achievements.

Remember: women are connected to emotions, NOT stats.

And so, you should use your profile to convey 100% of your personality.

For example, I don’t NEVER take myself too seriously, and I enjoy making jokes and being self-amused.

I want to convey that, along with my open-mindedness and a sense of adventure.

Here are some tidbits from my OkCupid profile…

“I have 6 beginning salsa dance lessons under my belt, so removing my pants is a process.”

What I’m doing with my life:

“- Living it on the edge”
“- Learning Spanish”

Here are some VERY SIMPLE guidelines for improving your profile:

-Tell the truth (that means don’t lie about your height, drinking habits, etc. You’d be surprised how often guys lie about this stuff)
-Don’t list religion, unless it is actually REALLY important to you
-Keep it concise and VERY easy-to-read
-Convey personality instead of listing stats and achievements
-Always lean towards interesting and fun over dead serious

2. Use Much Better Pictures

(If you have a shirtless bathroom-selfie, stop what you’re doing RIGHT NOW and immediately go take it down.)

Pictures are the #1 most crucial part of your online dating profile.

The more BETTER your pictures, the more higher-quality dates that you will inevitably get.

Even if you’re NOT “traditionally attractive”, you can STILL have some freaking awesome pictures.

As a general rule, you should avoid literally ALL selfies, and use pictures with only good lighting.

Here are some simple ideas for creating MUCH BETTER looking pictures:

-You being active and/or doing something you love (for example, my main picture is of me blasting confetti at an EDM show. My friend has a picture of himself boxing).
-You with a group of people. This signals that you’re a social guy and people generally enjoy being around you (this shouldn’t be your first picture because people won’t be able to tell which one you are).
-You with a pet (girls absolutely love pets).
-You in an interesting location, looking away from the camera (studies have shown this kind of pose performs well).

If this all sounds intimidating – it takes all of 15 minutes to grab a friend and have him take some of these types of photos of you.

3. Use This Simple First-Message Formula

What’s your typical first message in online dating conversations?

For a lot of guys, it’s something like, “Hey, how are you?”

This may be a good in-person greeting with SOMEONE whom you already know, but it’s the MOST vanilla first message when it comes to online dating – and it’s certainly NOT the way to make a good first impression.

Women get this message 30-40 times a day and it’s downright 100% boring.

Listen: you don’t need to be Shakespeare in order to get her to actually respond.

You just need to stand out a little bit, show some personality, and show that you’re definitely NOT another generic, boring, dick-pic sending dude.

So, here’s a simple formula for a good first message:

Observation about something in their profile and/or pictures + open-ended question

(Note: funny and witty is good here, but NOT 100% necessary.)

Here are a couple examples…

In her profile, she talked about traveling and mentioned she wants to learn how to bake macaroons, so I said:

“Hey, you seem pretty adventurous and interesting, but I’m probably most impressed by your macaroon baking ambitions. What do you think of Madrid so far?”

In this girl’s profile, she was cheeky and funny, and she mentions how she just came from Germany and wants to learn the American culture, so I said:

“Your profile is pretty funny :p I can help show you American culture if you show me some of the German culture. What brings you to Boston?”

4. Lead the Conversation

I always hear of guys who literally spend weeks talking to women online before even trying to meet up with her.

But…

1) that’s a huge waste of time considering you don’t even know the girl yet

and

2) that’s how you actually get cat-fished.

Don’t have conversations that lead to nowhere.

As the man, it’s your job to direct the conversation and lead it in your desired direction (i.e. meeting up with her).

So, your conversations should ALWAYS follow a two-step structure:

-In the first few messages, get to know each other a little bit.

You should both be sharing a little about yourselves and your experiences.

– After you build some rapport, shift to setting up the date.

Ask if she wants to hang out, then set the time/place.

Don’t overthink this – say something simple like:

“You seem like fun. We should grab a drink later this week. Sound cool?”

–Get her phone number. When you get her number and text her, she’s much less likely to flake on the date.

This can take anywhere from 2-20 minutes but doesn’t REALLY need to take any longer than that (unless she’s a bit slow at responding).

If she seems really responsive and interested, you can even try to set up the date with in the first couple of messages.

It varies in each conversation.

Until next time.

Your man,

-Elijah “The Realist”

P.S Sick and tired of NOT getting dates and being sexless? Go here.