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5 Ways To Guarantee You Won’t Get Laid

Posted on October 31, 2022 By Elijah aka "The Realist" No Comments on 5 Ways To Guarantee You Won’t Get Laid

I write tons of info on how to make sure you get laid, but knowing what not to do is also key.

After over a decade of nightlife experience ranging from owning a club to hosting for top clubs in Vegas, to being a general patron pulling fine dimes from a variety of venues…

I can assure you that these 5 behaviors will guarantee you to NOT get you laid.

If you’re guilty of any of these, stop the behavior and up your game.

#5. Dance With Girls Without Touching Them

I have nothing against dancing with girls.

It’s not my style of game, but for some of you cats it works.

What doesn’t work is dancing with a chick without making physical contact.

I’ve seen this trend lately of guys dancing with a girl like it’s a 50’s barn dance where they dance all around the girl, but never grab her waist, hands or anything. 

What the fuck is the point?

On the flip-side, the guys who go to the other extreme and grind like it’s their last night on earth are guilty of overdoing it.

If you can dance, charm the girls with your skills, then lead one of em over to a more private area and kiss her.

Don’t dance for 2 hours straight and then watch ‘your girl’ get swooped up by a cat like me who appears from ‘nowhere’, says something in her ear and then leads her away never to be seen by you again.

In short: use dancing to raise your value in the venue.

If you can’t dance, you can still pull.

I haven’t danced with a chick since I was 18 years old and I’ve done just fine.

#4. Accept Facebook Over A Phone Number

This one really cracks me up.

A clueless cat ASKS for the girl’s phone number (which we know is the wrong way to do it) and then she counters with her Facebook.

He eagerly looks it up and adds a ‘New Friend’.

Way to go dude!

Now you’re already ‘friends’ with her and that’s definitely NOT the place to be.

If a girl refuses to give you her phone number, then eject as fast as fuck.

I rarely have a girl pull this but when it does happen, I smirk and say:

“Are we in junior high? Nah” and then bounce.

Girls give out phone numbers like Mary Poppins gives out candy on Halloween.

No reason for her NOT to give you her phone number if she’s been flirting with you for a bit, unless she’s just using you for validation.

The more experience you get with gaming, the more you’ll be able to tell when she’s doing that or if she’s really into you.

In short: Facebook offer = no go.

#3. Act Like A 12 year old At A Pool Party

If you’re in Las Vegas, or hell any pool party for that matter, and you’re the guy in the pool splashing the water in time to the music, I have news for you:

You are NOT getting laid and you deserve to have security drag you by the balls out of the pool.

I’ve seen this shit in Vegas specifically where 2-3 guys who obviously care more about ‘bonding’ in the pool together will hit the water with their hands causing the water to splash. 

Gay. As. Fuck.

Quit doing that shit. 

The other behavior is jumping around like a fucking frog.

Are you 12 years old?

Have you NEVER seen hot girls in bikinis?

Chill. The. Fuck. Out.

If you want to get in the pool, do so, but stop acting like a 12 year old at summer camp in the ole’ watering hole.

Not only is it obnoxious as fuck, but good luck pulling a bad bitch with the mentality of a child.

Ain’t happening.

In short: Acting like a fool at a pool party is a great way to isolate yourself from everyone, not just girls. 

#2. Take Girls Into The Club With You Who You Don’t Know

This one is classic and I see it constantly.

Hell, it’s happened to me, so I know it well.

You’re headed to a hot spot which you know has a strict door policy.

You grab some girls in line, or outside the club to help you get in.

Once you get in,, they immediately disappear like Casper the friendly fuckin’ ghost.

There’s 2 ways to do this:

1. Use the girls to get in and expect NOTHING from them and know they will bounce once they’ve slinked past the velvet rope.

You both benefit and everyone is happy.

2. Think that just because you flirted with these girls for 5 minutes that you’re all going to walk in and spend the rest of the night together.

Girls are EXPERTS at manipulating guys in nightlife environments.

That’s the game.

If you expect to walk in with them and now they’re ‘your girls’ for the night, you’re more than likely in for a disappointment.

I can only think of 2 times this has happened to me where it paid off and I wind up banging one of the girls.

You’re better off getting a club On-Lock YOURSELF and simply winking at the girls in line as you walk confidently past everyone and into the club.

Once they’re inside, you can bet the ranch on the fact they’ll be checking you out once they get inside to see why you’re so special that YOU get to walk right in.

#1. Believe The “I’ll Be Right Back, Wait Here” Line

This one will throw you for a loop and it’s understandable if you fall for it, but here’s how to avoid it.

You’re walking around the club and you run into a cute filly.

The two of you flirt and “awww so cute you guys make a great couple”.

Barf.

But wait, you even make out with her!

It MUST be on…right?

She drops the infamous line, “I’ll be right back, wait here”.

So…

You wait.

Then you wait some more.

Shit, before you know it, you’ve waited for 45 minutes, but yet she NEVER returned.

Where could she be?

Fuck!

Is that her over there at that table making out with that other dude?

But I thought she liked me…how could she do that?

Whether it’s on purpose or not, imagine you’re dealing with a 5 year old when you’re flirting with a girl in the club.

Their attention spans are literally that short.

She might have really intended on running to the bathroom and returning into your arms, but you’ll be damned if you wait around like a lap dog on her ass.

Next time a chick pulls this line out, say this, “I’ll be around catch you in a few”, then WALK AWAY.

Let her chase you.

Every time I’ve done this and the girl came looking for me, guess what happened?

We had sex.

Plain and simple.

In short: don’t wait around on a chick. Keep it moving and let her chase you.

Until next time.
Your man,
-Elijah “The Realist”

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