Today I’m going to cover the nuts n bolts of approaching in Non-Party Environments.
When you’re in a club and the music is pumping, sluts are dancing and alcohol is flowing like the Hoover Dam, approaching is more natural and is expected.
When you’re in a Starbucks, walking on campus (not streaking, but walking haha) and getting some new condoms at your local Wal-Greens, how do you approach that cute girl with the perky tits and booty shorts?
First off, unless you walk around with a manic energy of a clown on crack, then the approach is different.
There are always exceptions to the rules and only after practicing approaches and a shit ton of them, will you be able to perfect your style of approach based on your natural personality and vibe.
But for Non-Party Environment approaches, err on the side of being the following: Cool, Calm and Collected.
Cool: Not temperature wise smart ass, but cool as in style and vibe.
If you want to run card routines with a fuzzy hat and eye shadow smeared on your eyelids then go ahead.
I don’t advocate that type of ‘Game’ and never will.
The 3 Components of Cool
1. Style
What is the best outfit you feel like a straight G in?
What shirt makes you feel confident and makes you hold your shoulders back a little more, walk a little taller and gives you the confidence to look motherfuckers in the eye without wavering?
Wear that.
Know your style, perfect it, for it always be evolving to a certain extent and it like it or not, it is a girl’s First Impression of You.
2. Breathe
There are a lot of times where you’ll spot the girl and have time before you approach her.
Unless she drops out of the sky naked and bent over in front of you, you’ll have a minute or two to compose yourself, pull your tongue back in your mouth and take a deep breath.
Approach anxiety can be very real, but I’m here to tell you that it can be overcome with a quick exercise:
Count to 10 slowly while breathing in and out on each number count.
1….breathe in…2….breathe out…etc.
Don’t huff and puff like a fat bitch reaching for the Cheetos on the top shelf, but do it discreetly.
If you’re in Starbucks, take a quick trip to the bathroom and do it.
Wal-Greens, go to the magazine aisle, pick up the latest issue of GQ and do it.
Once you practice this exercise and have successful approaches you’ll get comfortable with that FACT that it’s really not a big deal and 99.9% of the time nothing bad will happen to you when you approach a girl.
3. Swagger
Everybody has SOME swagger somewhere in them.
It might take time to find it, cultivate it and make it pop, but it can be done.
When you develop your swagger + game, it won’t matter WHAT you say to a chick so much, it’s HOW you say what you say.
Re-read what I just said.
It’s THAT key.
Calmness
Being calm is hard I know.
Your heart may be racing, palms sweaty, mom’s spaghetti on your sweater, oh wait did I just drop some Eminem?
Yes.
Now back to the main event.
It’s hard to be calm when you approach a girl, especially the hotter the girl.
Shit, even I still get some approach anxiety every once in a while!
I could write a book on some of the bad approaches of my past.
This one in particular I remember as especially tragic.
I spotted a cute girl inside Aldo, the shoe store every fucking mall in the world has.
I walked in right up to her and literally couldn’t get a word out of my mouth.
I just stood there looking at her like a dumb-ass.
She looked at me like I was an alien and while my brain was screaming at my mouth to say something, anything, my mouth moved but not a single syllable came out.
After a few seconds, but what felt like 2-3 minutes, I did an abrupt about face and skedaddled out of Aldo without a word spoken.
I survived and YOU will too.
The girl?
I’m sure she went home and masturbated to THAT experience of meeting the great Elijah.
Collected
You have your style together, you’ve taken 10 deep breathes and now you feel calm.
Now what?
Collect your thoughts.
What are you wanting out of this interaction?
To just flirt?
No.
To fuck her on the Wal-Greens counter?
Maybe.
Hell to the motherfucking yes.
You MUST have an objective when you approach or else you’ll be all over the place while interacting with the girl and that will scream lack of confidence and lack of life.
Lack of life?
Yes.
You’re a high value man who has places to go and people to see, remember?
When you first start approaching and you haven’t mastered it yet, you want to be like a sniper.
Focus on your target, get in and get out.
The quicker and smoother you execute the interaction, the less chance of ‘fucking up’.
Here’s an example of a real life approach I did at an Office Max.
I hate the fucking store but I had shit to get there.
When I walked into the store I noticed one of the cashiers.
She was hot, a solid 8, tall, dark hair and eyes and long curly hair.
I tossed a small smile when walking past her initially, but that was it.
She shyly smiled and that’s it.
After getting my boring office supplies I approached HER register to have an excuse to interact.
She greeted me and proceeded to ring up my useless office shit.
Me: Well you must be thrilled by your job…
Her: (laughing) It sucks, but I’m in school too! (She felt the need to prove to me that she had other stuff going on in her life. Good sign)
Me: Where? Community College? Damn girl you planning on running the world? (Wink)
Her: (Acting offended) Ouch. Actually yea, I go to XYZCC
Me: So basically you work and go to school. Yawn. When do you get drunk and make “bad” decisions?
Her: It’s been a while, but I do like to party.
Me: (while she was blathering I opened my phone to the NEW CONTACT screen) Put your number in (saying this while handing her the phone)
Her: Sure! (puts it in) Call me soon (smiles big)
Me: We’ll see (Smirk and I bounce)
I text her my after-meet text which goes like this:
“Elijah the sexy muthafucka you met at XYZ. Let’s party soon ; )”
She replied back with agreeable comments.
I ignored and text her 2 days later.
She came over to a house party, had two drinks,,,, and then we fucked.
I fucked her in her ass as well.
Good times.
Now I spoke 5 short ‘lines’ and walked away with her contact info.
There is NO need to go on and on.
In fact the more you take away the mystery of the interaction, the greater the odds of the girl growing bored of it.
Girls LIVE for this shit.
Meeting a guy while going about their mundane lives and the experience of having a stranger hit their button and bounce.
It intrigues them and trust me they’ll replay the interaction a million times in their head while calling their friends to get their opinions.
It’s catnip for pussies, er I mean chicks.
Fitting though isn’t it?
Last But Not Least
You now have the components of the state to be in when approaching, but lastly I know you’re thinking, “What do I say?”…
So here is reasons WHY to approach.
What excuse do you need in order to approach a girl?
Now every author on meeting and banging girls has their own method for this, but mine differs slightly from the mainstream gurus.
Mine is more direct and maintains strong frame.
I am an advocate of direct openers.
Now I don’t mean to walk up and say, “Hi, I’m Elijah, what’s your number?”; what I mean is that you establish INTENT quickly.
This isn’t always done through what I say, but how I say what I say and body language.
Like the Office Max slut, I established flirtatiousness immediately with my first ‘line’.
I didn’t ask her where the blue paper was first or anything.
I noticed her when I walked in, we exchanged friendly smiles and that was it.
When I went to the register, I started by teasing her and escalating the interaction by continuing to tease her.
This establishes higher value on my part, that I am superior to her.
This is extremely effective, especially with girls in the 18-23 year old range.
I quickly turned the interaction to a naughty direction with the “when do you make time for bad decisions blah blah” line.
Girls aren’t stupid.
They’ve been getting hit on since middle school and even earlier.
They know when a guy is interested.
Now how about being strong about that assumption and running with it?
It’s not giving away your game by doing this, it’s higher level game in the sense you know she knows you are attracted to her, otherwise why the fuck would you have approached her?
You’re taking the horse by the reigns, seeing something you desire and will take.
The difference between you and the other 99 guys who hit on her that day, is that you can TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.
Your happiness that day will not be dependent on her reaction to you.
You have such a strong frame that she is drawn into your world and will want to be a part of it by the time you walk away with her phone number.
Here’s a formula to make it simple for you.
In fact if your memory is as fucked up as mine, for having drank swimming pools worth of vodka over the years, then write the formula on an index card in black magic marker and carry it with you everywhere.
Or since it is 2022, put it on your phone.
Frame + ‘Excuse’ + Direct Opener = Approach
Your Frame is that you are a high value man with shit to do and people to see and you don’t have much time to waste.
This will come across in your attitude and body language.
Also, you are leading the interaction, as opposed to asking the chick if it’s okay for you to get her phone number.
Never ask. Assume.
Your ‘Excuse’ is you see a girl and want to meet her.
Ideally you want to fuck her at some point.
The ‘Excuse’ is the logical reason for you opening your mouth to the girl.
The ‘Excuse’ turns into…
Your Direct Opener is what you are saying to open the chick on an intent level.
Here’s a real world example:
Frame: You’ve got your ‘Power Outfit’ on, did your 10 seconds of deep breaths, have an objective (to get her phone number) and know that you have high value, thus the girl should want to meet you and it’s her loss if she blows you off.
Don’t trip, you’ll get some blow-offs, but soon you’ll get blowjobs. : )
The girl you spotted at Starbucks is reading a book, funny enough it’s Rapid Seduction Secrets, I kid, she’s reading 50 Shades of Grey. Perfect.
‘Excuse’: is using the book to open her while turning that ‘Excuse’ into a direct opener.
You: I noticed what you’re reading (This is the ‘Excuse’)… (And here is the direct opener) you must have a different side to you (wink)
Her: (Laughing) Maybe…what’s it to you?
You: Nothing. Besides the fact that I’m your Christian Grey. Lucky day for you.
Her: Oh really? Hmmm, I don’t know. My parents told me not to talk to strangers.
You: Did they tell you to read books about S&M?
Her: (laughing) Ah no
You: I’m “Your name”, what’s yours?
Her: Starbucks Slut
You: (having pulled your phone out and having the screen open to new contact screen) I have to run, I’m late to my S&M workshop (wink), but put your number in. We’ll grab a drink sometime.
Her: (taking your phone and putting in her number) Sounds intriguing
You: Maybe (smile and get the fuck out of there. Don’t stand in the parking lot calling your buddy to tell him the story. Bounce like Biggie’s killers)
Make a small mark on the back of the index card with a pen after every approach.
That way you can keep track of your approaches.
Similar to the old school approach of making a notch on your belt or bedpost.
I just threw a lot at you, but I want you to think and process this article over and over.
Previous Articles from this series:
The Art of The Approach: Part 1
The Art of The Approach: Part 2
Until next time.
Your man,
-Elijah “The Realist”‘
