This weekend I was in an Atlantic City casino where I dominated low-limit poker, not by playing tight-aggressive and using actual skill, but by using mind-games that overworked my opponents’ pacemakers.
Here is my TOWER OF STRENGTH & POWER:
Nothing intimidates your opponents more than making a bet from a phallic metaphor.
After passing by the blackjack tables where mouth-breathers were hooting and hollering after winning $5 bets, I went to watch at a roulette table, which I’m convinced is the unofficial gathering place for people with the lowest IQ’s in society.
These people are betting their hard-earned money on a plastic ball spinning around a wooden bowl.
I have more respect for state lottery players.
The best part of the game is at the end of a spin when the casino employee literally flushes a mountain of chips down a drain built into the table.
As the tower suggests, I did win overall (+2 BB/hour), but until casinos are full of hot-bodied 21-year-old South American women instead of smelly senior citizens, I’ll leave gambling for the dreamers.
Until next time,
-Elijah “The Realist”
