Men’s natural reaction to having kids is “no way on earth”.
Certainly kids put a huge crimp on your personal freedom and require a very long-term financial and logistical commitment.
Women have largely thought about kids since they were old enough to walk, thus have a massive upper hand and the instinctive drive to compliment it.
Men tend to avoid the subject like the plague, and end up either missing out or going in blind.
Here are four reasons that will make you reconsider:
1. Kids Are Fun
In small doses with a baby-momma / female relative / nanny / girlfriend to do the dirty work, children are incredibly fun.
They live in a world with almost zero responsibility.
Hanging out with young kids, playing their games and bonding with them as only a father can do, is better than smoking a cigarette.
A father who is separated from the baby momma should not allow the negatives of the situation to prevent him from passing time with his children in their element.
Although there can be more spontaneous moments when you live with them, the fun part only needs a couple of days a month.
In fact, living separately from the baby-momma and kids cuts out 99% of the dirty work and hassle.
A friend of mine that’s a divorce lawyer has told me he has had plenty of cases of the mother trying to give back the full custody she won, because being a single parent with visiting rights is now considered the golden ticket.
2. They Are Inspirational
Women go all coo-coo about children, but with the emotional overload removed and a clear rational mind, you can harness the best parts of having kids around.
Some of the small things they come up with and the clear, conscious way they observe the world is priceless.
Adults could do more with a child-like intelligence.
Sadly much of this is lost under a barrage of consumerist marketing, Disney toys and other stupid junk, but it’s always there to be tapped into, especially if you get the children into a more organic environment.
Children are masters of entertaining themselves and also masters of learning.
They are also like tourists.
You know that friend visits from out of town and suddenly all the local attractions you scoff at become fabulous?
Kids do that for you.
3. You Can Influence And Educate Them
I never wanted to have children, but I have learned a great deal from my daughter.
They say to teach is to learn, and it’s not only the process of imparting information to her, guiding and educating her, it’s also the sheer fact that having a child around forces you to reflect upon your own inner states and habits in different ways than you might otherwise.
Children shine a light on the adults, serving as a massive opportunity for personal growth, and having them around and bonding with them is a good way to stay young at heart.
4. You Put The Women In Their Place
By taking on the responsibilities of fatherhood (which should never include all the mommy work of changing diapers and dealing with two year old’s tantrums), you become more of a man.
It’s very empowering as a father to take charge of the children and at the same time demand that the mother take on her role properly without passing the buck back to you.
A father and mother are two very different and polarized roles, so regardless of if you are still banging the baby-momma, you can impose your masculine authority in a different realm to your professional and personal life.
Feminism paints all fathers as lowlifes, but I say to hell with that, prove them wrong with actions.
My children love me because I am the fun father, no doctrine of equality can take that away.
(Of course when they are very young from 0 to 3, there is very little for the father to do, and this is where you can easily lose sight of the end game, especially if the baby-momma has lost the plot and now sees you as the enemy, or you allow yourself to become her personal maid.)
There is not enough support for men to be masculine fathers so when the time does come – and it can always come by accident – many men are lost, with no map, under enormous pressure and with no allies.
You will end up fighting an endless battle against women, rather than looking for an end game of advantage and peace.
You will also miss out on the benefits of fatherhood and connecting with a child.
Winning The Daddy War
The first part of winning the war and accomplishing peace is not fighting at all, by being financially and logistically tooled up.
I think men subconsciously understand this, and that’s the reason they shy away from kids.
Whatever route you take it should be done consciously and clearly, and there are substantial benefits to being a father, provided you can afford the time and money to do it.
If not then try dating a single mother or hanging out with a relative’s kids for just a short while.
You will find a different and more profound part of your masculinity in being in the father role, provided you don’t let her turbo-shit-testing motherhood routine get to you.
If women were proper mothers, men could focus on being proper fathers.
Women are serving in combat roles now, but imagine Navy Seals running the local nursery school.
Equality my ass — no mother would leave her kids with some bearded soldiers, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t be a decent father and have a hell of a lot of fun in that role.
Draw your boundaries, keep them guarded, and don’t change a nappy.
Until next time.
Your man,
-Elijah “The Realist”
