How to Cure Depression the Old Fashioned Way

Depression, or as my Grandfather would say “being a pussy”, is largely self-imposed and easily remedied.

Depression is caused by leading a lazy, slothful, gluttonous, pointless, and very unnatural existence.

Boredom is probably the leading cause of depression but a Doctor can’t prescribe “pills” for having a white water rafting adventure.

“But my depression is caused by genetics, chemical imbalance or any other excuse that takes the blame off of me!”

That’s 100% bullshit!

If you’re depressed, it is 100% YOUR responsibility to fix it.

Shoveling pills down your throat isn’t a solution, it’s part of the problem.

Our Grandparents didn’t shovel pills down their throats and they didn’t ever whine about being depressed either.

How embarrassed would you be if your Grandfather ever whined about being depressed?

I would be ashamed beyond ANY absolute belief.

Thankfully my Grandfather didn’t have time to be depressed, he was either busy building shit with his hands, killing people in Korea, choking Rattlesnakes to death with his bare hands or drinking beer and playing poker.

Let’s take a look at what should be the VERY obvious causes of Depression:

Lack of physical activity – If you sit in a cubicle all day NEVER getting your blood pumping or sweating toxins out it would stand to reason that your insides are just as mucked up as your outsides.

It is an obvious FACT that ANYONE who has ever done ANYTHING physical knows: after you do some hard physical shit you feel absolutely and positively GREAT.

You sure as hell don’t feel depressed.

Solution: Get physical. 

Go to the gym and lift your heart out.

Go out to the garage and build something.

Do some yard work.

Mow the lawn.

Go for a run.

For god’s sake just KEEP BUSY somehow, idleness is an absolute soul-killer.

No one was ever depressed after a killer lifting session.

No one was ever depressed after building a house with their own hands.

No farmer was ever depressed about working on his farm ALL DAY. He wouldn’t even have the necessary TIME to ever even cry about it.

Eating garbage – This one should be the MOST obvious but somehow this escapes almost EVERYONE – if you EAT garbage… you will always FEEL like garbage.

Do you think your Grandfather would come home from a hard day doing physical labor to a dinner of fucking macaroni and cheese made with margarine and skim milk, soy burger patties, and candy for dessert?

No!

He wouldn’t eat that BULLSHIT and he’d slap you in the mouth if you tried to serve it to him.

He ate meat and potatoes and washed it down with whole milk or beer because he knew what was good.

Solution: Eat meat. LOTS of it.

Eat plenty of saturated animal fat.

Don’t ever eat ANYTHING made in a laboratory.

No “love life” – If your love life isn’t up to par it is probably because of ONE very simple REASON: you are acting like a pussy.

Girls already have ONE pussy, they don’t NEED another one.

I know you’ve been misled (we ALL have) that girls want a nice, sensitive, feminized man in touch with his feelings.

Hey, that’s GREAT on paper.

Use your EYES to figure out that isn’t how it WORKS in the REAL actual world.

What WORKS in the REAL world is RESPECT.

No one (especially women, double especially women who SAY they do) respects a feminized man.

That horse-shit is how they TEST YOU, if you give in… then you will immediately FAIL.

Would your Grandpa act like a fairy to pick up some chicks?

No?

Then you shouldn’t either.

Solution: Take up some manly hobbies and QUIT doing all of that feminine nonsense.

If you’re NOT a girl, then you should NEVER ever under ANY circumstances… ACT like one.

Working a dull, lazy job – Clearly an unfulfilling work, a place we spend the majority of our time, can be a major cause of feeling like poop.

Solution: You already KNOW what I’m going to SAY but I’ll SAY IT anyway: QUIT.

Find something much more fulfilling.

A LIFE PURPOSE is much more fulfilling in ways that a JOB can absolutely NEVER be.

Relying on entertainment to fulfill you – The average American watches 5 hours of the boob tube every single day.

No joke, I would rather be DEAD than FORCED to endure 5 hours of TV every single damn day.

It’s impossible to NOT be depressed when constantly bombarded with advertising for Stupid BULLSHIT that you almost certainly don’t NEED.

Video games are NO substitute.

Movies are NO substitute.

The internet is NO substitute.

I have NEVER once seen my Grandpa: watch TV, watch a movie, dick around on the internet or play video games but somehow he found a way to pass the time.

What I have seen him do: fix cars, build houses, smoke cigars, drink beer and play poker.

Solution: Find some better, more meaningful hobbies.

Try woodworking, martial arts, weight-lifting, start a business, ANYTHING that gets you off the couch and actually doing SOMETHING. 

And PLEASE… for God sake Get rid of that damn TV already!

No family: Probably half of the men I know of my generation came from a broken home.

A man no longer has an incentive to get married and have a REAL actual family.

In a snap of the finger ALL can be taken away by the courts.

His children and money can be gone in an instant.

With odds like that it’s no wonder men don’t want to start any families.

On the other hand, NOT having a family to care and provide for is likely the BIGGEST cause of male depression and malaise.

A man is no longer really the man in a relationship, the State is the caregiver.

Our Grandparents didn’t have any of that.

A man had a family to provide for, being a whiny depressed baby just didn’t put food on the table.

A man with a strong family is a man with a purpose.

A man with a disintegrating family is a depressed man indeed.

Take a look at some foreign families, they NEVER cry about depression.

Solution: For a man wanting to start a family I highly suggest going abroad and finding a woman who has NOT been indoctrinated into the hyper-gamous misandrous ways of American women.

For a man already married but having problems, I would highly suggest VERY quickly just getting a divorce.

For a man currently going through divorce, losing his kids and money… you have my deepest sympathies.

You’re in a hole and you will just have to pull yourself out of it.

Frankly, this is the only acceptable cause of depression.

Just don’t let it last FOREVER.

Low Testosterone: It’s hard to feel like a man when you ain’t producing your man chemical.

Solution: Get it checked. Get it fixed.

Listening to depressing music, watching depressing movies etc..: Do you listen to depressing music because you’re depressed or are YOU depressed because you listen to depressing music?

Depressing music has a VERY depressing effect.

You should RIGHT NOW… immediately STOP listening to it.

Solution: Listen to music that pumps you up and makes you feel alive.

Don’t ever watch depressing movies.

Don’t read depressing websites.

Cut out the bullshit, baby.

It’s upbeat and positive or it doesn’t even actually REALLY exist.

Some tips to remember:

Don’t drink TOO MUCH.

Drinking alcohol every now and again is perfectly fine.

Having a couple with dinner is fine.

Getting sloshed every single day is a recipe for terrible pain-staking depression.

Know any happy alcoholics?

Don’t masturbate TOO MUCH: It’s unfortunate that I have to say this, but sadly… I do.

Internet porn is FREE and EVERYWHERE but masturbating constantly comes with a hefty price: depression, lack of testosterone, obvious loneliness.

Work on finding a girl(s), at the very least it will get you out of the house.

Spend your days with a purpose, a mission.

When you have NO goals or desires all that’s left is… boredom and depression.

Until next time.

Your man,

-Elijah “The Realist”